It’s that time again! 2014 is drawing to a close and you’re preparing to celebrate the year just gone with the folk you probably spend more time with than anyone else: your work buddies. Your boss, alcohol, a wreckless sense of relief that you’re about to get some holiday… what could go wrong?! EVERYTHING! Get through the night with your dignity intact with our ‘Top 12 Work Xmas Party Survival Tips’:
1 – Take that outfit for a test-drive!
A new outfit is a great way to wow your colleagues with an insight into how effortlessly (as in ‘been planning it all year) cool you are outside of work. Just make sure you give it a test run first. Medium in one shop means small in another. Make sure the ‘lasting impression’ on your big night out isn‘t delivered by the waistband of your new glittery jeggings!
2 – Fly solo
You don’t need a wingman for this one. Besides, nobody wants to go to someone elses office party – they won’t get the office in-jokes, and if they get shit-faced and vom everywhere, you’ll be cleaning up the mess. Not the actual mess hopefully, but figuratively speaking.
3 – Get real
Drinking a bottle of wine probably isn’t going to make you more attractive to that hot work-mate you can’t stop flirting with. Make them drink it instead and you might be in with a chance.
4 – Know your numbers
At every Christmas party, there’s always 1 x gossip, 1 x person who falls over on the dance-floor, 1 x person who gets pissed and cries – and so on. Make sure it’s not you.
5 – Don’t talk shop.
Of all the things you could talk about. Really. If you want everyone at the office to think you’re brilliant, they need to think you’ve got a life outside of it.
6 – Be big on small talk
If you worry because you sometimes don’t know what to say in front of your colleagues, don’t! You certainly won’t be the only one! Even better, why not plan some small talk?! “How are the kids?”, “Where do they go to school?”, “What’s your husband doing tonight?” Your work here is done. There’s no need to listen to the answers even – people love talking about themselves so let them blather on, and they’ll walk away thinking about what a nice, friendly person you are, Plus later, when the boss is making cut-backs, she’ll fire the person who didn’t ask about her mother’s hip.
7 – Be nice to the boss
Be nice to the boss …Your boss is in charge of whether you get to keep your job or not. This is very important. You need a job for money, to buy food, and rent and expensive Christmas work party outfits. You like your boss a lot. Don’t forget this after a couple of Cosmos, because I can promise you they won’t. It’s true, people aren’t usually fired for openly mocking their boss’ dance moves, or talking during their carefully planned speech – but why risk securing a spot on the shitlist for after the event?
8 – More is more
No I’m not talking about Tequilas, or ‘the buffet, I mean clothes. You should definitely dress up – show your colleagues how super you can look in your favourite festive get-up. Just don’t show them too much.
9 – Mistletoe alert!!
Look out for the ‘unkissables’, stalking innocent party-goers with their socially acceptable ‘in’ for a Christmas “MWAH”. Don’t run, it’s rude, or scream. Just keep calm, pretend to spot a friend, and walk purposefully off with a distracted smile. Works like a charm.
10 – Cupid doesn’t do Xmas parties
Even if you do manage to squeeze a very decent snog out of your work crush, don’t get ahead of yourself. It may have seemed like it was going rather well after a couple of flutes of cava, but most office snogs are an awkward affair come Monday morning.
11 – Beat the buffet
Dodge the prawn ring and skip the curried chicken volauvents. If the music’s loud, you want to avoid anything with fish or garlic, as you’ll be leaning in close to chat with people. Nobody will think “…ah I can tell William’s been tucking into the fish sticks at the buffet table tonight”. Instead, you’ll just be labelled something unfortunate and permanent. Like ‘fish breath’. Life’s unfair.
12 – Don’t bunk off work the next day
Lets say you ‘forgot’ to consider all of our carefully prepared tips – the party was ‘epic’ and you misbehaved spectacularly – up against the door in the disabled loo with that sweet, geeky accountant from head office. There‘s no point hiding away in shame. Get youself out of (your own, hopefully) bed, get dressed, chin up, shoulders back and style it out! Think damage limitation: okay you won’t stop everyone talking about you, but at least if you’re there they’ve to go out of their way to do it behind your back!
